THE ALTERNATIVE TEN COMMANDMENTS. (Updated for modern living) * Thou shalt shut thy gob when politely asked, and not drone on endlessly. (about God, Jesus, the Bible etc. etc.) * Thou shalt not use circular arguments, such as "God exists, because the Bible sayeth so, and the Bible is True because it is God's Word." * Thou shalt notice when thy audience is bored rigid. See Commandment 1. * Thou shalt not use a cop-out such as "God worketh in mysterious ways" when backed into a corner by thine own convoluted logic. * Thou shalt use thine own imagination, and not just quote from the Bible all the time. * Thou shalt not tell atheists what they believe, nor that thy God loveth them. * Thou shalt not get upset by jokes about thy God. He is big enough and old enough to looketh after himself. * Thou shalt not define how thy God worketh. Thou canst not know. * Thou shalt not state that the Bible is consistent and hath no contradictions. Thou wouldst be a fool to doeth so. * Thou shalt not say Grace without also thanking the farmers, truck-drivers and shopkeepers that actually did the work required to get your food to the table. Adrian Barnett 1997 |